I do my grocery shopping early on Sunday mornings because humans gathered in an enclosed area lose their freakin’ minds. I’m usually there between 6:00 and 7:00 am, it varies. It’s not scheduled. But there’s a lady who shows up every time after I’ve walked in. It’s like seconds after I’ve grabbed a cart and the doors open and she’s right behind me getting a shopping cart. We don’t walk in together, I’ve never seen a car she could have gotten out of and this is Sunday morning when there’s very few cars in the parking lot. We never talk as we pass each each other several times in the aisles, in fact we rarely have looked at each other. What I have noticed is she always wears the same black uniform type outfit with a rust colored shirt under it. The same Aisics tennis shoes and every thing looks like she just bought it. She doesn’t have a smell or a sound, her skin is really light and pale but her hair is almost jet black to where it reflects blue in the lighting. When I go to check out there’s never a cashier with a register open so I have to use the self-scan area that I hate. Except today there’s a cashier I’ve never seen before who appears from between racks of shit at check-out #7 asking if I’m ready, so I jump on that service. As I’m watching these two dudes scan and bag the hell out of my stuff, behind me is this lady. She’s unloading her cart of a few items and oblivious to anything around her. I wanted to say hi to her, she was right there two feet away, which isn’t normal for me to do. After she put her last item on the conveyor her eyes locked onto her groceries. I looked back a few times before I left and noticed her eyes. There wasn’t any whites to them…
I was working outside this morning before it got too hot. Behind me I heard the faint calling of my name. There stood one of the residents with a funny look on her face. She wanted to tell me something but it was obvious she didn’t want it to come out wrong. Several times she stopped herself mid-sentence with, “no, never mind”. This is a lady that’s ultra conservative. She’s quiet and polite to everyone. She watches fox news and was distraught I’m for Bernie Sanders (he’s a socialist, ya’ know). I’ve heard her mention her god in public conversations and never once have I heard her say anything bad towards anyone. But, I know she wanted to say something that goes against everything she believes in just by the way she was acting. So I blurted it out, “What did you see?”. Her face had this sudden look of relief. She asked me if things have gone on there. (At the building) I told her a lot of people have died here and they leave things behind. She wanted to know what I knew. I told her about the second floor hall and library and even a home healthcare aid has some things she’s witnessed. After a few minutes trying to get her to trust me and talk to me she finally said she woke up on the couch and in front of her was the cloudy image of a black man. She asked if he was an angel. Nothing was said and when she closed her eyes for a moment he was gone. I was blown away because I’ve heard the voice of a black man on the second floor. She said she was afraid. I told there’s nothing to be afraid of, that’s just the TV that puts fear into your mind. I wanted to hear more but she was really uncomfortable talking about it. She kept saying forget it and don’t tell anyone she said anything. The elevator doors opened and she turned and said “They turned my pictures face down”. I told her it was O.K. and I wanted to know more but she was obviously ashamed she said anything. I, on the other hand, felt totally vindicated once again. I’ll get more out of her…
Note: she moved into a unit the lady before her had passed away in.
It was nice out today, it’s 80 now at 5:30pm. I don’t have a lot at work to keep me busy so I find things to do other than talk to everyone. The parking lot was empty at one end of the building so I decided to hose out the area of mud and junk from the winter. I have to be careful what goes down the street drain because of the creeks that run behind the building are part of the Parks Department. I tried to drain off the small parts of dirt and leave the larger chunks to pick up later. This was going slow and the running water coming from the hose was hypnotic. I caught myself daydreaming a few times but was brought back to reality by someone standing behind me. Each time I looked there wasn’t anyone and I know there was. I continued working, out of my peripheral I could see someone standing on the walkway going behind the building. I stopped turning to look because I’m sure everyone was watching me outside, they have nothing else to do all day. I’m their entertainment and I didn’t want to seem crazy by looking behind me every few minutes. I finished what I was doing a few hours later. After cleaning up I worked my way towards the community room. Passing the elevator, Mel is getting off. I asked how the grand kids were doing and Mel said, “Who was your friend watching you out there?”
I’m not a social person by any means. I’ve gotten so use to my solitude; the peace, quiet and tranquility. This makes the loud outgoing people angry and they morph into doctors and psychologists. They know what’s good for me, being like them. They’ll even call me names just to make me want to be like them even more. They’re fuckin insane! When I settle into the seasons, there are times when I sink deep into my shell of comfort. I don’t want to do anything. I don’t have to do anything. And I don’t.
I don’t watch T.V. My computer is connected to it and I can go anywhere I want at any time for as long as I want to. Something I like to do is get on google maps and pick a city in any country. Then click on street view and drive around. I do that for hours, along with reading tech sites and watching documentaries and youtube video’s. I live on the edge, you’ll have to buckle-up for an evening at my house. But doing this comes at a price, I don’t get anything done. My T.V. / computer sits right in front of me and to my left is my drawing table. For almost a year I sat at that table trying to do what use to come naturally a long time ago. I’ve been ignoring it and all the spirit chatter. The last few evenings as I start to doze off in my recliner I’ll catch a faint whisper over by the desk. I’m not phased by it but I’ll glance over. This evening, it’s really quiet in here. I like quiet, it’s awesome. Staring at nothing in particular on the screen all I hear is the silent “sssssssss” in my ears being broken up, once again, by background whispering. There are two this time and I’m not sure who they are. The whispering conversation was lively enough to make me look over just as one of the brushes on the cup rolled off the other. The air thickened, it was like they made a mistake and were caught. I snapped a quick picture at the desk from where I’m sitting. Of course nothing shows up as usual. When I’m at the desk drawing or painting I know they’re around me. You can feel it, sometimes even smell it. I might start something new tomorrow. I’ll see if I can get into my zone and find out who this is this time.
I have always been compared to the employee who’s position I took over. He was closer to everyone than I get. Not a day has gone by they didn’t talk about how great of a person he was. This guy, I’m honored to be compared to, passed away yesterday morning.
The building was dark today. The air felt low and heavy. A deep hum filled the halls. Everyone sat and stared outside, not a lot of conversation. They must know when things are about to happen, it’s in their souls. It grows inside, like a seventh sense. They’ve been around longer than me. They know things, I can see it. Something is about to happen.
I work at a retirement community. People have passed away here so you can imagine the fun I have when no one’s around. One thing I’ve learned is not to get into a close relationship with them. I’ve also learned to put up a barrier and treat them as a product that makes the company money. It’s difficult and I slip sometimes but I still keep my distance. My superiors said you will get use to them passing away. It must take a lot of practice, the best I can do is hide it on the outside.
On the elevator one day a health care aide said she gets creeped out by walking past the library. If it’s a cloudy day the library is a dark open area. It’s not closed off and to get to the elevator you have to walk past it. I’ve always had the feeling there’s someone sitting there even when it’s empty. I’ve had experiences on the second floor where the library is located but not in the library itself. When she mentioned the library being spooky I jokingly said the entire second floor is haunted. I had to say it like I was joking because I made a room full of elderly ladies flip out when I first brought it up. That’s when she asked about orbs.
I’ve never experienced orbs as they are commercially known. I’ve seen lights, obvious “orb” lights , but not the random floating specks reflecting from a light source. I asked the aide what she saw, in a condescending way. She seemed reluctant to say anything and I didn’t want what happened the last time I was serious about it to happen again. I could tell she wanted to say something so I pointed towards the end of the south hall and asked, “was it down there”. Just as I said that the elevator doors closed, her eyes zoned in on me. “What did you see”, I asked her. “No way did you just say that”, she replied. I asked again what she saw down there and the doors opened on the first floor. She walked me down the hall away from the community room. “I came out of the laundry room and saw a powdery white floating ball come out of the room on the right at the end of the hall. It glided down the wall with the handrail and faded out at the library”. I wasn’t sure if I should tell her about that room. I told her I believe her, as she was leaving the building, she looked back and said “We’re not done talking”.
The room she’s talking about was empty for almost a year. The gentleman who lived there fell into the corner of the wall. He laid on his floor for several days before he was found and taken to the hospital, which he never returned. After that, a lady from the third floor moved into the unit. The move must have been too much, she passed away right after she moved in. I would check on the unit once a month while it sat available on the market to make sure it was ready to view at any time. I had several keys with me one day while I was checking up on the building. I walked down the hall towards the room, It was a lot cooler than the rest of the building. The building is always hot to me, they love their heat. At the door I’m looking for the right key, that’s when someone walked behind me. It was enough to make me turn and look, but no one was there. Once inside the apartment It felt like I wasn’t alone. Everything was O.K. and I left looking back to see if anything was behind me. Now I have to tell her this.