reason’s from the past


While I draw these, voices from my past come back to haunt me. They’re the reason I am who I am today. They’re the reason for the dislike I have for them. They’re the reason I’ll never get close to anyone. They’re the reason you will be kept at a distance. They’re the reason for a lot of things I use to blame myself for. Their words, their actions, they’ve made me the happiest person no one will ever see.



Drawing Attention – Capture

First off, sorry about the two posts in one day. It’s annoying to be flooded by over-posters. Here’s the second part of the last story “Drawing Attention”. I started applying color to my drawing. Within five minutes I get this strong odor of what smelled like bleach. I got my camera out and turned on the EMF and DVR. Something was going to happen. I waited a few minutes and went back to what I was doing. Then the EMF reader light flashed but didn’t beep. I grabbed the camera and then BAM, it’s beeping and flashing. I’m taking pictures all around me. After that I get an epiphany (a moment of sudden revelation or insight) I need a faster camera and a video cam! I did take video the other night but it played back really grainy and killed my battery in 20 minutes. Unless that’s normal. It was a $300 camera in 2008. My tablet does video, I could try that.

But here are the few photo’s that didn’t turn out blurry from me waving the camera around flashing it. I did get the EMF reader going off. Nothing showed up in the photo’s I took around me. That’s pretty normal, rarely do I get a picture of anything. Also, I was paying more attention to all my new toys sitting around me. After putting the colors on my new drawing I realized it was one of the practice copies I made so I don’t screw up the original. That was 4 hours of thinking I’m almost done and now I have to do it again. Lastly, the DVR was too close to the air conditioner. It’s nothing but the sound of a motor running.

#1. the EMF Reader going off.


#2 my front right


#3 my left front


#4 directly left of me where Male #1 makes his presence. at the bottom of the picture, the white paper. That’s the original drawing I mixed up with the copies.


Drawing Attention

Something about sitting at my drawing table feels like it attracts a presence. While I’m drawing, my small crowd gathers. I thought this would be a good place to set my new devices. My old camera records video but it has to be set up each time and doesn’t record long even with a 64gb flash drive and a new battery. The EMF reader does pick up electrical fields. I’ve walked around the house and put it to outlets, ceiling fans and the air conditioners. It does work. The digital voice recorder picks up everything. Just the few minutes I had it running it was difficult to distinguish background noises with body movements.

The EMF reader has been on my desk for a few days. On Wednesday evening I checked everything around my table to see if it put off a reading. Both lamps, which are the closes, didn’t pick up anything. I set the meter down and forgot to turn it off. A few minutes into trying out colors on a drawing the meter flickered. It was two small lights and beeps. They weren’t chattering and I’m pretty sure it was the first male, the older man. As usual he took his spot on my left side. On Thursday, my day off, I tried it again. A few minutes into the drawing and the EMF flickered. This was around 11am, the night before it was in the evening around 7pm. There’s no set time. Saturday afternoon around 2:30ish I set it up again. Nothing was going on the entire time. That was good because I was concentrating and got things done. I sat back to see if that’s what I wanted. Staring at the picture, instantly to the right directly in front of me a transparent wave of air about 5′ up. The EMF makes one loud solid beep and the light turns full glowing red. I sat and watched for a moment. Nothing.

Today I’m going to complete a drawing. Everything will be set up and waiting.

Drawing Attention


14_2_rs copyI’ve got to the point where I can shut out most of the back ground chatter when I get into my mode. Instead of a filled room I can focus on the few nearest me. I do get the occasional background that comes forward. The dominant female is still the most vocal but is shadowed. The original dominant male has been taken over by the minor male. He’s quiet but makes his presence known. Mumbling and throat clearing. He appears in my minds eye as thin and tired. Balding and wears wire rimmed glasses. A messy long sleeved button up shirt with the arms rolled. He also seems to be from the 1940’s era. His watch is expensive for that time.

14note copy The female and male aren’t as vocal this time. I kept going just to listen. They don’t seem to like each other and are only brought together through me. As the female spoke I kept notes on the back of the drawing. A friend “Barb or Brenda” has or will pass away. “Animal attack” may or may not be associated with that. The color “White” I picked up in a sentence the female said. “I nenna white knockba shof”. Finally “I know that she’s gone” was the female arguing with the male. Also, a fragrance of cherry’s came through. What it reminded me of was Fanta Red Cream Soda which I haven’t had since I was a kid. If they still make it, try one.

#12 (color)

12_rs_AB copy

There wasn’t anyone to my left this time. I heard a door shut. It was realistic enough to make me stop and listen. I can still picture the female shadowed with a red back ground. This time she spoke in English. Two words, “My daughter”.

Someone new is coming in. He doesn’t like the Minor male. Call’s him a racist. He knows my middle name and says it in a mechanical voice. Robotic. These two are almost identical in appearance.

The man in the field has passed away. He was beaten or shot and left to die. He suffered. He’s wearing a white or tan suit not far off the road. A lady knows about him.


12_rs_A2 copy copy

It was cold out today. I stayed in all day and it felt like I wasn’t alone. Going back up to my drawing, it was time to see who’s with me. The female. She came through fast and seems agitated. She’s very vocal but speaks too fast. She’s not in English this time, that doesn’t help. I even said “What?” out loud, to get her to repeat herself. I wrote down what I heard and I’m spelling it how it sounds. Remember, this isn’t in English, Maybe German. I think…
“were hoben kinna tight”

I haven’t added color to this drawing yet. Hopefully they’re just as vocal.