Five degrees, several inches of dry snow, wind, and sun. That’s today. I like cold winter days. Sunny ones especially. I didn’t dress warm to go to work today, but while I stared out the windows all I wanted to do was be outside. To me the building is warm but to the elderly its never hot enough. This keeps them in their rooms and keeps my sanity in check. The quiet afternoon in the building was a perfect time to watch outside. Maybe catch the deer or a coyote while I spent a moment staring out the long row of paneled glass. While checking my email a few swirls of dry snow caught my attention long enough to lose my place I had read. I check Facebook then over to Reddit. Once again a larger swirl of snow caught my attention. It seemed it was whirling around a figure. I pulled my glasses up to see farther and to focus. It was a figure. It resembled an inverted shadow person. The glistening outline was obviously facing me. It was a female shape but no real detail. I went back and got my coat. Now I have to go out. The back door was closer so I exited through the back making my way around to the front to greet my new visitor. This is a long cold walk. The sun was in front of the building and the sharp wind was coming at me quick through the forest. Still struggling to get both my coats on and the hoodies pocketed inside each other, there walking beside me was the iridescent figure. Seemingly cold herself, she wouldn’t look up while I tried to grasp who or what I was looking at walking beside me. I got my hoodie’s situated, my gloves on and coats zipped. The apparition wasn’t talkative but seemed to just enjoy the company as I did. My little slip on the ice jolted my body. The words, spoken as soft as the sharp cold breeze filling the air, “be careful”, came from beside me. My first thought was to wonder what would happen if I had slipped and fell. Would she help me up? Laugh? Even though the swirling figure was beside me I kept walking towards the front of the building where I first saw the her. The closer we got to the spot she originated the quieter it got. The wind slowed to a few dying gusts. The 3:45 pm winter sun shining hard into my eyes, there is where she said “good-bye”…
Around 4:00 am I woke up with the feeling someone was in the room with me. The TV still on, it lit up the room as I cautiously rolled over to see if any one was there. No one. I was awake and turned the TV off thinking I was going to get up for the day. Slowly I fell back to sleep. It seemed like only a few minutes had passed when a loud ominous scream tore through the silence. I shot up in bed, the scream is still in the air, almost in my face I could feel the vibrations from the sound. As I sat up a shadowing figure of a smoke-like cloud, almost like cigarette smoke, moved out into the hall and dissipated. The hall, lit up from the light on my drawing table, seemed unfazed by what just happened. Sitting up, I listened. I listened so hard I could hear my heart beating. Nothing but the fan downstairs. It took a few moments to gather myself. I got up and walked through the house. Nothing was out of place.
I think this started last night when I was ignoring the energy around me like I’ve done the last few months. Luckily I was drawing in pencil. I could hear the background sounding off. They were getting unusually loud when the table was bumped hard enough to jerk my pencil across the paper. “GAWDAMMIT!” I said and the activity went quiet.
I was working outside this morning before it got too hot. Behind me I heard the faint calling of my name. There stood one of the residents with a funny look on her face. She wanted to tell me something but it was obvious she didn’t want it to come out wrong. Several times she stopped herself mid-sentence with, “no, never mind”. This is a lady that’s ultra conservative. She’s quiet and polite to everyone. She watches fox news and was distraught I’m for Bernie Sanders (he’s a socialist, ya’ know). I’ve heard her mention her god in public conversations and never once have I heard her say anything bad towards anyone. But, I know she wanted to say something that goes against everything she believes in just by the way she was acting. So I blurted it out, “What did you see?”. Her face had this sudden look of relief. She asked me if things have gone on there. (At the building) I told her a lot of people have died here and they leave things behind. She wanted to know what I knew. I told her about the second floor hall and library and even a home healthcare aid has some things she’s witnessed. After a few minutes trying to get her to trust me and talk to me she finally said she woke up on the couch and in front of her was the cloudy image of a black man. She asked if he was an angel. Nothing was said and when she closed her eyes for a moment he was gone. I was blown away because I’ve heard the voice of a black man on the second floor. She said she was afraid. I told there’s nothing to be afraid of, that’s just the TV that puts fear into your mind. I wanted to hear more but she was really uncomfortable talking about it. She kept saying forget it and don’t tell anyone she said anything. The elevator doors opened and she turned and said “They turned my pictures face down”. I told her it was O.K. and I wanted to know more but she was obviously ashamed she said anything. I, on the other hand, felt totally vindicated once again. I’ll get more out of her…
Note: she moved into a unit the lady before her had passed away in.
I’ve sat here for the last three hours drawing the letter “L”. Classic rock coming from what was 181.FM The Eagle on the internet. I think that’s what it was, it might still be. Led Zeppelin was playing Kashmir. Every time I hear Kashmir I think of the 5 Point Plan. Once again the cup full of brushes in front of me click. This happened the last time my visitors stopped by. I stopped for a moment, listening, waiting. Precisely at the same time a cool swirl of air circles across my face I hear what sounded like an 8-bit female voice say what sounded like “davit ignorients unce”. I could feel the sound directly in front of me, loud and clear this time. Slowly I grabbed my phone and stepped back snapping two photo’s at my drawing table. As usual nothing appears
Although I’m alone right now, I can very much feel others here with me. I haven’t paid much attention to my spirit visitors for a while. Maybe they have something to tell me tonight.
For a while I lived above an old diner. It was built around 1920. This place had a life of it’s own, you could feel the past still alive inside. At night when the diner closed you could still sense someone was inside. The hallway to get to my door was long and narrow. Occasionally it would feel like someone walked by me as I unlocked my door, the air moved. At times you just knew someone was right in front of you, staring, ready to confront you. I always entered through the back of the building. Two flights of metal stairs. Going up, they watched. I was the new guy. The one that wasn’t excited about the diner atmosphere. The one you would only get a hello out of if you were lucky. They watched me coming up. They moved out into the hall, silent but present. One place I never went was down the front steps that lead out to the street. There was a heavy feeling to those steps. Something happened at the bottom, something bad and it was still there. This dark place never lit up no matter how bright the sun was or how much light would shine on it. I remember taking this photo the day I moved out. It was late at night, around 10:00 pm. The apartment was left just as I had found it except for a few bumps on the walls. Loading up the last bit of my belongings I looked up to the windows. They were watching, waiting. Someone new will come along, just like I did.
It was nice out today, it’s 80 now at 5:30pm. I don’t have a lot at work to keep me busy so I find things to do other than talk to everyone. The parking lot was empty at one end of the building so I decided to hose out the area of mud and junk from the winter. I have to be careful what goes down the street drain because of the creeks that run behind the building are part of the Parks Department. I tried to drain off the small parts of dirt and leave the larger chunks to pick up later. This was going slow and the running water coming from the hose was hypnotic. I caught myself daydreaming a few times but was brought back to reality by someone standing behind me. Each time I looked there wasn’t anyone and I know there was. I continued working, out of my peripheral I could see someone standing on the walkway going behind the building. I stopped turning to look because I’m sure everyone was watching me outside, they have nothing else to do all day. I’m their entertainment and I didn’t want to seem crazy by looking behind me every few minutes. I finished what I was doing a few hours later. After cleaning up I worked my way towards the community room. Passing the elevator, Mel is getting off. I asked how the grand kids were doing and Mel said, “Who was your friend watching you out there?”
I’m not a social person by any means. I’ve gotten so use to my solitude; the peace, quiet and tranquility. This makes the loud outgoing people angry and they morph into doctors and psychologists. They know what’s good for me, being like them. They’ll even call me names just to make me want to be like them even more. They’re fuckin insane! When I settle into the seasons, there are times when I sink deep into my shell of comfort. I don’t want to do anything. I don’t have to do anything. And I don’t.
I don’t watch T.V. My computer is connected to it and I can go anywhere I want at any time for as long as I want to. Something I like to do is get on google maps and pick a city in any country. Then click on street view and drive around. I do that for hours, along with reading tech sites and watching documentaries and youtube video’s. I live on the edge, you’ll have to buckle-up for an evening at my house. But doing this comes at a price, I don’t get anything done. My T.V. / computer sits right in front of me and to my left is my drawing table. For almost a year I sat at that table trying to do what use to come naturally a long time ago. I’ve been ignoring it and all the spirit chatter. The last few evenings as I start to doze off in my recliner I’ll catch a faint whisper over by the desk. I’m not phased by it but I’ll glance over. This evening, it’s really quiet in here. I like quiet, it’s awesome. Staring at nothing in particular on the screen all I hear is the silent “sssssssss” in my ears being broken up, once again, by background whispering. There are two this time and I’m not sure who they are. The whispering conversation was lively enough to make me look over just as one of the brushes on the cup rolled off the other. The air thickened, it was like they made a mistake and were caught. I snapped a quick picture at the desk from where I’m sitting. Of course nothing shows up as usual. When I’m at the desk drawing or painting I know they’re around me. You can feel it, sometimes even smell it. I might start something new tomorrow. I’ll see if I can get into my zone and find out who this is this time.