While I draw these, voices from my past come back to haunt me. They’re the reason I am who I am today. They’re the reason for the dislike I have for them. They’re the reason I’ll never get close to anyone. They’re the reason you will be kept at a distance. They’re the reason for a lot of things I use to blame myself for. Their words, their actions, they’ve made me the happiest person no one will ever see.
I’ve said several times that Michael J Fox enters my mind every so often. I just clicked a browser tab on Google Chrome and in a brief flash it said something about him. It went to fast for me to catch it but the name stuck out.
I hope you’re doing alright. I never used pepper spray before and didn’t know how it worked. But I saw your evil before you saw me standing there and you came rushing towards me. A black aura stands out to people that see them. I told you twice to stop but you wouldn’t listen. I was forced to protect a building you had no reason to be in. You saw me recognize you, that’s why you looked at me. Then it hit you directly into your eyes. I saw the stream of burning orange go into your opened evil eyes. You gasped and mumbled in the deep groan “oh, god” and you turned away from me while I emptied the small vile out on the back of your neck and ears. I was still on the phone with the police, she heard everything. I gave her the address again, the address you were told to never come back to last year. Remember that? You broke out a window. You were there to terrorize a woman. But while you were bent over in burning agonizing pain I asked you politely to leave the property and once again you ignored my order. Cursing me. So I kicked you across the parking lot into the bushes. I kept kicking you, unleashing the evil I’d dug up from the hidden depths of my memories. You couldn’t stand or even see where you were going. Would you have let up on the woman you were there to beat? You wouldn’t and neither was I.
I saw the fear in you as you tried to get away from me. I saw your face. I can’t get it out of my mind. You tried to find a path, a way out from the burning pepper spray and the sudden violent attack on you. You crawled out from the bushes you tried to escape through and grabbed handfuls of grass while you pulled yourself farther away from me up the embankment. For a while I felt bad for you, almost sorry I had to hurt another human being. But then I remembered why it happened. You were only there to beat up on a woman. The same woman who tried to hide the black eye you gave her. I saw it, I knew it was you no matter how hard she tried to say the door hit her. You returned several other times to attack her. No one had to tell me, you left something only a few can see. Something I can see. The entire building of retirees and handicapped are afraid you will do something to them. They moved here to get away from people like you. You kept coming back, only your luck ran out this time. The look I saw in your face as I kicked you across the parking lot, your burning eyes you couldn’t open, that must have been how the lady you kept beating felt. The one who hid from you, the one who lied about her black eye. She couldn’t get away, she was over powered just like you were. I don’t feel sorry for you anymore, or care about the fear I saw in your face as you tried to get away from me. I will do it again. I know you’re coming back. Except this time I will enjoy watching your fear. I will enjoy giving you the same beating she received from you. The only thing I might feel bad about is not ending you. I want you to endure the physical and mental pain the rest of your life. I’m going to escort you to your grave.
sometimes it’s easier to communicate without speaking.
I’m off work this week. I take a week off every year and do all my doctors stuff and lay around being a filthy lazy pig most of all. Sometimes you will always see the same number, or person, or color, etc. This week I’ve been out every day in traffic all over the city. Maroon mini vans are every where I go. They’re all different models but still, they’re maroon colored minivans. I had to fast for 12 hours to take blood tests this morning. I felt tired before arriving and thought it would just be a few minutes and I could go back home and go back to sleep. But no. The nurse kept filling up vial after vial of blood. I started getting cold inside when she said, “You’re all done”. I tried to speak but my mouth wouldn’t move, the divider curtain pattern started spinning and turned black and white.
I’m looking up and a lady I’ve never seen before is asking if I’m o.k. and I’m confused about where I’m at. Everything was really bright and shiny and unfocused as she lead me to an empty waiting room. I feel halfway numb and my feet and hands are tingling. She saw the large scar on my chest and asked me about my surgery then ordered an EKG. She was asking more questions, lots of questions I could answer in my mind but my mouth wouldn’t work to answer them. The last I remember was waking up and putting my shirt back on. It felt like nothing happened. I was wide awake. I opened the door and the receptionist saw me and gave me the “1 minute” finger gesture. Another nurse (I’m assuming they’re all nurses) came in and talked to me, I told her I’m fine and she agreed to let me go. The fifteen minute drive back home seemed like an hour. I get to the drive and as I turn in I saw in my rear view mirror a maroon minivan had followed behind me.
A few years ago I read about a homeless lady in Columbus who had been raped. They caught the guy and he thought he would get off because she would never show up to court. It turned out she walked 8 miles to the courthouse to be at the hearings which she testified and he was convicted. The Columbus Dispatch ran this article and there was a GO-FUND-ME set up. I was touched by this lady’s courage and strength and donated $50 to her funding account. Then I never heard anything about her after that. I knew she didn’t want to be identified and I even left a comment on her go-fund-me page several months ago asking if anyone has an update on her. No answer. This morning I got that answer.
I’ve had a strong sense of a musical band loss. Mostly a classic rock band. Probably nothing but thought I’d note it