reason’s from the past

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While I draw these, voices from my past come back to haunt me. They’re the reason I am who I am today. They’re the reason for the dislike I have for them. They’re the reason I’ll never get close to anyone. They’re the reason you will be kept at a distance. They’re the reason for a lot of things I use to blame myself for. Their words, their actions, they’ve made me the happiest person no one will ever see.

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never met

A vivid dream last night woke me up. I was talking to a female, there were a lot of animals running in the back ground. The conversation was incoherent except she did say, “We’ve never met”. What woke me up was the feeling of her hand on my arm as she got up from the side of my bed. No one was there, the TV was going with the sound off. Thinking I heard the TV, I turned it off. A few hours later I finally get up for the day. Making coffee I noticed a small piece of paper on the drawing table.

(Just now while I’m writing this my alarm clock went off. It’s 8:39 am and not set to go off on Friday. The clock only sets to 15 minute increments, too)

The paper is a piece I use to put my hand on so I don’t smudge drawings with the side of my hand. It’s filled with mostly pink scribbles. The only thing I do know is this isn’t something I’ve done. At least consciously. It is unique, it kind of looks like a child’s scribbling.

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visited at my drawing table

I’ve sat here for the last three hours drawing the letter “L”. Classic rock coming from what was 181.FM The Eagle on the internet. I think that’s what it was, it might still be. Led Zeppelin was playing Kashmir. Every time I hear Kashmir I think of the 5 Point Plan. Once again the cup full of brushes in front of me click. This happened the last time my visitors stopped by. I stopped for a moment, listening, waiting. Precisely at the same time a cool swirl of air circles across my face I hear what sounded like an 8-bit female voice say what sounded like “davit ignorients unce”. I could feel the sound directly in front of me, loud and clear this time. Slowly I grabbed my phone and stepped back snapping two photo’s at my drawing table. As usual nothing appears

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Although I’m alone right now, I can very much feel others here with me. I haven’t paid much attention to my spirit visitors for a while. Maybe they have something to tell me tonight.

a gathering at my desk

I’m not a social person by any means. I’ve gotten so use to my solitude; the peace, quiet and tranquility. This makes the loud outgoing people angry and they morph into doctors and psychologists. They know what’s good for me, being like them. They’ll even call me names just to make me want to be like them even more. They’re fuckin insane! When I settle into the seasons, there are times when I sink deep into my shell of comfort. I don’t want to do anything. I don’t have to do anything. And I don’t.

I don’t watch T.V. My computer is connected to it and I can go anywhere I want at any time for as long as I want to. Something I like to do is get on google maps and pick a city in any country. Then click on street view and drive around. I do that for hours, along with reading tech sites and watching documentaries and youtube video’s. I live on the edge, you’ll have to buckle-up for an evening at my house. But doing this comes at a price, I don’t get anything done. My T.V. / computer sits right in front of me and to my left is my drawing table. For almost a year I sat at that table trying to do what use to come naturally a long time ago. I’ve been ignoring it and all the spirit chatter. The last few evenings as I start to doze off in my recliner I’ll catch a faint whisper over by the desk. I’m not phased by it but I’ll glance over. This evening, it’s really quiet in here. I like quiet, it’s awesome. Staring at nothing in particular on the screen all I hear is the silent “sssssssss” in my ears being broken up, once again, by background whispering. There are two this time and I’m not sure who they are. The whispering conversation was lively enough to make me look over just as one of the brushes on the cup rolled off the other. The air thickened, it was like they made a mistake and were caught. I snapped a quick picture at the desk from where I’m sitting. Of course nothing shows up as usual. When I’m at the desk drawing or painting I know they’re around me. You can feel it, sometimes even smell it. I might start something new tomorrow. I’ll see if I can get into my zone and find out who this is this time.

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Drawing Attention – Capture

First off, sorry about the two posts in one day. It’s annoying to be flooded by over-posters. Here’s the second part of the last story “Drawing Attention”. I started applying color to my drawing. Within five minutes I get this strong odor of what smelled like bleach. I got my camera out and turned on the EMF and DVR. Something was going to happen. I waited a few minutes and went back to what I was doing. Then the EMF reader light flashed but didn’t beep. I grabbed the camera and then BAM, it’s beeping and flashing. I’m taking pictures all around me. After that I get an epiphany (a moment of sudden revelation or insight) I need a faster camera and a video cam! I did take video the other night but it played back really grainy and killed my battery in 20 minutes. Unless that’s normal. It was a $300 camera in 2008. My tablet does video, I could try that.

But here are the few photo’s that didn’t turn out blurry from me waving the camera around flashing it. I did get the EMF reader going off. Nothing showed up in the photo’s I took around me. That’s pretty normal, rarely do I get a picture of anything. Also, I was paying more attention to all my new toys sitting around me. After putting the colors on my new drawing I realized it was one of the practice copies I made so I don’t screw up the original. That was 4 hours of thinking I’m almost done and now I have to do it again. Lastly, the DVR was too close to the air conditioner. It’s nothing but the sound of a motor running.

#1. the EMF Reader going off.

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#2 my front right

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#3 my left front

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#4 directly left of me where Male #1 makes his presence. at the bottom of the picture, the white paper. That’s the original drawing I mixed up with the copies.

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Drawing Attention

Something about sitting at my drawing table feels like it attracts a presence. While I’m drawing, my small crowd gathers. I thought this would be a good place to set my new devices. My old camera records video but it has to be set up each time and doesn’t record long even with a 64gb flash drive and a new battery. The EMF reader does pick up electrical fields. I’ve walked around the house and put it to outlets, ceiling fans and the air conditioners. It does work. The digital voice recorder picks up everything. Just the few minutes I had it running it was difficult to distinguish background noises with body movements.

The EMF reader has been on my desk for a few days. On Wednesday evening I checked everything around my table to see if it put off a reading. Both lamps, which are the closes, didn’t pick up anything. I set the meter down and forgot to turn it off. A few minutes into trying out colors on a drawing the meter flickered. It was two small lights and beeps. They weren’t chattering and I’m pretty sure it was the first male, the older man. As usual he took his spot on my left side. On Thursday, my day off, I tried it again. A few minutes into the drawing and the EMF flickered. This was around 11am, the night before it was in the evening around 7pm. There’s no set time. Saturday afternoon around 2:30ish I set it up again. Nothing was going on the entire time. That was good because I was concentrating and got things done. I sat back to see if that’s what I wanted. Staring at the picture, instantly to the right directly in front of me a transparent wave of air about 5′ up. The EMF makes one loud solid beep and the light turns full glowing red. I sat and watched for a moment. Nothing.

Today I’m going to complete a drawing. Everything will be set up and waiting.

Drawing Attention

#14

14_2_rs copyI’ve got to the point where I can shut out most of the back ground chatter when I get into my mode. Instead of a filled room I can focus on the few nearest me. I do get the occasional background that comes forward. The dominant female is still the most vocal but is shadowed. The original dominant male has been taken over by the minor male. He’s quiet but makes his presence known. Mumbling and throat clearing. He appears in my minds eye as thin and tired. Balding and wears wire rimmed glasses. A messy long sleeved button up shirt with the arms rolled. He also seems to be from the 1940’s era. His watch is expensive for that time.

14note copy The female and male aren’t as vocal this time. I kept going just to listen. They don’t seem to like each other and are only brought together through me. As the female spoke I kept notes on the back of the drawing. A friend “Barb or Brenda” has or will pass away. “Animal attack” may or may not be associated with that. The color “White” I picked up in a sentence the female said. “I nenna white knockba shof”. Finally “I know that she’s gone” was the female arguing with the male. Also, a fragrance of cherry’s came through. What it reminded me of was Fanta Red Cream Soda which I haven’t had since I was a kid. If they still make it, try one.